Author: Pierre Louys (maybe)

About: A Handbook of Good Manners for Little Girls was written at the turn of the century and bore the tongue-in-cheek subtitle, “Especially Recommended for Use in Schools.” Published anonymously, its author was reported to be Pierre Louys, author of Aphrodite, The She-Devils, and a number of other erotic works, both acknowledged and clandestine.

A Handbook of Good Manners covers a wide variety of subjects of interest not only to young ladies but to their parents and guardians. It offers pregnant advice on how a well-bred young lady should conduct herself at home, in school, at church, during confession, at the theater, during outings in the country, and deals intimately not only with her duties toward her father, her mother, her sisters, her brothers, her mother's lovers, and her neighbors, but also toward God.

Excerpt:

superstitions

THE way to catch a man is to sprinkle salt on the tip of his pecker, then suck it till the salt is all melted.

THERE'S an old belief that it's bad luck to make love trysts on Friday, just because Friday is sacred to Venus. The opposite is true.

IF you find that there are thirteen of you making love on the same bed, don't send the smallest little girl to frig herself in the corner, but rather dispatch someone down to fetch the concierge's daughter, so you'll be fourteen.

THE same holds true for your lover: if he's fucked you thirteen times in one night, don't let him get up until he's discharged for the fourteenth time.

IF some dark-haired girl says to you: “Brunettes come into the world through the cunny, and blondes through the arsehole,” you can boldly reply that that's nothing but an old wives', tale. If you're a blonde, you can also slap her across the face.

WHEN you have lost your maidenhead, don't start praying to Saint Anthony of Padua to give it back to you. Saint Anthony of Thebaid is the one who spent so much time pondering sexual questions. But his namesake is hardly known for his interest in this kind of problem.

DON'T tie a little gold medallion in the form of a piglet to your pubic hairs, as a good luck charm to what they surround. Gentlemen who probe beneath your skirts might find the medallion slightly ridiculous.

IN the chateau, when your parents have guests visiting you, don't go around sipping the water from the bidets in the various girls' rooms, even though some people believe it's the best way to read someone's mind. That's pure poppycock.

BEFORE receiving a dildo in the arse, don't ask that it be blessed by the archbishop. It may be hard to believe, but some prelates refuse to bless these objects.